R U OK? For the last time no.
First let me start by saying I think R U OK day started off with the absolute best of intentions. Having difficult conversations about mental health is certainly important. Men still struggle to open up and have this conversation. Encouraging mates to check in with mates especially at times like this is a worthy goal.
BUT
There comes a time when days like today become tokenistic at best and blame shifting or triggering at worst. If you find issues of mental health, self-harm, or suicide difficult or triggering then stop reading now be some of what is to come is hairy. Also, if you feel you need help scroll to the end for contact details for further support.
It should also be made really clear I am not a mental health expert.
R U OK is not a token, feel good question.
If you are going to ask people if they are ok today (or any day) you have to be prepared for these difficult conversations (I am not saying you shouldn’t, but you need to have your eyes wide open). People suffering poor mental health could be a hair’s breadth away from breaking down and asking if they are okay could very well cross that line.
If you are going to ask that question you must be able to have the time and the emotional capacity to listen and I mean really listen to the answer. You need to have the resources at hand to encourage people to get help if they need it. The worst-case scenario is someone discloses that they are going to hurt themselves and you have to make that call as to whether you call for help for them or not (and that is not an easy decision to make).
You also must be asking yourself that question first. In first aid courses the first thing you are expected to check is if the situation is safe for you first. If you don’t have the spoons to be handling what is about to be shared, then don’t ask. Saviour complexes help no one
Of course we’re not okay
My biggest bug with R U OK day is the blame shifting that comes with it either to people for not looking after their own mental health or to people for not asking the question. The whole time ignoring that mental health is more a public/systemic health problem than it is an individual one. You want to make sure people are, OK? fix the damn systems.
Decent Income Support
We saw during 2020 that people’s mental health held up better than expected and a whole lot better than it is in 2021. Some people would put that down to the dragging nature of the pandemic. Rubbish. We know that lower income levels are strongly associated with worse mental health outcomes.
Surprising right when people aren’t worried about choosing between food, electricity, and rent each week their mental health improves.
You want to make sure we are really OK? start talking Universal Basic Income.
It is easier to be OK with a roof over your head
How hard is it to be OK when you are trapped in an abusive relationship because there is not enough available housing to escape and not be homeless? We know that women in abusive relationship develop complex post-traumatic stress. We also know that 7,690 women return to abusive partners every year because they have nowhere to stay (9,120 just become homeless) according to Everybody’s home.
But of course, housing is not on the agenda at this week’s women’s safety summit. 230 frontline organisations have called for housing to be put on the agenda but evidently that is just in the too hard basket.
Do we really expect these people to be OK?
Being OK is expensive
Why isn’t all mental health covered by Medicare? Like seriously what is the reasoning behind this? Every time I see people in decision making positions with R U OK day badges, I just want to scream at them “WHAT YOU THINK I CAN AFFORD TO BE OKAY?!”.
Now some improvements have been made recently with Medicare funded therapy being expanded in the recent Federal Budget. It is a good start. But it doesn’t completely cover the cost of sessions nor the cost of medications. And that doesn’t even touch on the wait times or the hospital re-admission rates for people suffering mental health problems.
Getting to OK when you know you are not is not cheap (but it should be free).
But a conversation can help
I started this rant talking about how conversations sparked by the question R U OK are difficult conversations. If you have the space and capacity, you should certainly have them.
But there is another conversation you can have that is much easier and it is with your state and federal MP.
Why not take a moment this R U OK day to send an email to your local member of parliament (both state and federal) telling them what is needed to get to OK. We need to put the responsibility of mental health back on the government, so they deal with the systemic problems which lead to poor mental health. Some good starting points to me seem:
- Adequate income support
- Adequate housing availability
- Adequate, free, mental health services.
Support Services
- Lifeline on 13 11 14
- Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800
- Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467
- Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36
- Headspace on 1800 650 890
- QLife on 1800 184 527
